If you’re planning on attending any expos, fairs or major shopping events, I can bet you are pretty excited about all the free goodies you’re going to get, all the valuable information you’ll receive and all the girly girl purchases you are going to make. The shopping area will be sure to be buzzing from the frenzy of shopping in the air. Then you’ll get home, plop your bags of fab down, wipe the sweat from your brow, and gush over all the awesome new stuff you got. From there, one of three things will happen. Either your bags of fab will sit there and blend in with the rest of your belongings, you will store them in any open crevasse you can find where they may never be found again or you will joyfully put them away with confidence knowing you will easily find them again when you need them. If you are the latter then you go girl. If the first two are your story, of course, you are probably going to want some tips and techniques on dealing with your clutter. Check out some of my previous blogs and watch my videos for specific strategies. But for the purpose of this blog, let me give you a little more of an inside perspective on what’s going on here, psychologically speaking.
Let’s talk about the shopping experience in itself. Shopping can be a feel good experience and those little pieces of heaven called endorphins sure can temporarily help relieve any not so good feelings you may be having. It’s easy to see how people, especially women, can feel like they are getting a “fix” when they shop. And shopping in itself is not a bad thing. It’s nice to get nice things for ourselves. We look at the jewelry and get images of Cleopatra, adorned in gems and want some of that mojo. That little black dress we’ve zeroed in on is just screaming Breakfast at Tiffany’s and we want to emulate the class of Audrey Hepburn. You visualize men throwing roses at your feet when you walk by with that exotic new scent of perfume you bought (or is that just my fantasy?) Most buying decisions come down to how owning that item will make us feel about ourselves. Not usually because we need it even though we convince ourselves we can’t take one more step in shoes that aren’t Prada’s or that we even want something. There is a reason you want it and again it’s because of how you believe it will make you feel. Everyone wants to feel good and isn’t that what life should be about anyway? Feeling good?
Think about it, this country is built on selling the American dream which was based on the value of freedom back in the day. However, because of clever marketing, advertising and consumerism, the American dream is now defined by how much stuff we have and how much it costs. If the Statue of Liberty was built according to today’s values, we might find her holding a iPhone, sporting diamond earrings and wearing a Valentino dress. Our social status is determined by how expensive our house is, the name brands of our clothing and the type of cars we drive. It’s no wonder we are so emotionally invested in our stuff. Our very self esteem, according to society’s standards, depends on it. And how ironic is it that the very value that this country was built on, freedom, is the very thing that is taken away from us because of the new value of America which is based on owning stuff? That’s just my two cents. Take it or leave it.
Why do I bring this up?
Because when our shopping behaviors are being driven by emotional fulfillment rather than actual need, combined with a house that doesn’t have a place to put the stuff once we buy it, then bing, bam, boom you have clutter. And clutter is not a good feeling. In fact, it downright robs you of your energy and can lead to all sorts of chaos in your life like depression, unfulfilling relationships, poor health, and financial struggles.
But you’re fooled into thinking all this stuff is supposed to bring you happiness. But when you start to accumulate too much stuff, then it starts to affect the value you give everything. For example, if you saved up your money to buy those $120 pair of Seven jeans you’ve always wanted. When you tried them on you loved the way they felt and how awesome they made your butt look. Since those were your only pair, you really treasured them, took better care of them and wore them often. Now let’s say you go out and buy another pair of Seven jeans. Now the novelty of having your one beloved pair starts to wear off. You don’t treat both of them as well because you figure, “Eh, what the heck I have two.” Maybe the first pair doesn’t fit you as well anymore because you have gained or lost weight but you still hold on to them because you spent so much money on them. They just sit in your closet, staring at you like the ghost of Christmas past. They remind you of a past that once was and you tell yourself all your little lies saying, “Someday I’ll get back into them” and justify holding on to them because “I use to look so good in them.” So that awesome buy you once made, now doesn’t produce those same feel good feelings anymore. But now, you almost feel obligated to keep them because remember it’s the “stuff” your subconscious is convincing you that you need. And to get back that same good feeling, you may be tempted to go out and buy another pair. And the cycle repeats itself.
All of this stuff starts to wear you down and overwhelm you. Now you have to spend vital energy looking at it and experiencing feelings that are the opposite of what you felt when you bought it. Like guilt over letting it go or not using it. Or frustration and disappointment because you can’t fit into it which reminds you that you are not where you want to me in your life physically or emotionally. Or you may have to move it from place to place but it never gets used. Or it’s taking up valuable real estate where something that would get more use and you love more could go.
Now let me ask you? Is that article of whatever worth all of that? For some, you may say yes and that’s totally ok. But here’s the trade off. Every time you have an article that you are hanging on to but you know you need to get rid of, there’s a good chance you have a negative attachment to it. And if you are directing, negative, yet subconscious thoughts which is merely energy, that negativity is getting embedded in your stuff. It’s called energetic imprinting. That energy is getting bounced back into your environment and then wa-la you have created a block in your life. So, with that in mind, you have a choice. Keep it and risk creating a block that is possibly getting in the way of creating the life you really want for yourself or let it go and remove that block allowing more of what does serve you to enter into your life.
So here is one simple technique I use with all of my clients when they are wrestling with whether to let something go or not. I ask them to ask themselves, “How does this make me feel?” If there are any buts or shoulds in your answer then you have a negative attachment and you have a choice to make.
We can apply that same technique when you are buying something in the first place. If you are saying something to yourself like, “I really love the color of this but it feels a little tight” and you buy it anyway, guaranteed it will either sit in your closet and never get worn because you don’t feel totally awesome in it and you won’t be inspired to wear it. Or you’ll wear it out of guilt that you spent money on it and still won’t feel good. So instead of just stopping at “I like it” as a way to decide whether to buy something or not, ask yourself these additional 5 questions:
1) Will I feel like I look good when I wear it?
2) Is the fabric comfortable?
3) If it needs tailoring or dry cleaning, will I spend the money or take the time to do it?
4) Would I want my ex-boyfriend to see me in it? (A client taught me that one)
5) What impression will I give people if I wear it and am I o.k. with how I may be perceived?
So when you go out on any shopping sprees, shop till you either drop or your wallet goes up in flames. But before you buy anything be sure you:
1) Know where it’s going to go and will fit in that space to where you can easily access it
2) Are willing to give it the same care years down the road as you are when you bought it
3) Can honestly say you will use it and can define exactly what you will use it for
4) Don’t have any buts or shoulds in your buying decision
And…..
5) Be aware that if you spend a lot of money on it, then when you get sick of it down the road you may have a tough time parting with it because you spent so much money on it.
Hopefully, I have given you a new way to look at the whole shopping experience so you can still enjoy the process without creating a potential future run in with the clutter monster. I recommend you print out this blog and take it with you when you go so you are more in control to make a buying decision that isn’t exclusively based on your first emotional response. Your house and your well being will thank you for it. Enjoy your shopping day! Miss Organized
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